Curiosity and Ignorance

We all know, as humans we are naturally curious creatures. It’s okay to ask some questions, but you need to know where the line is, especially when you don’t personally know someone.

The other day I was asked by somebody whether I like to climb, as I live in the lakes. I told them that I don’t climb, this prompted them to ask why I don’t. I simply told them that it was just a bit much for me, but they kept pushing me to explain.

I explained that I have cerebral palsy, and immediately I saw the pity on their face. Their next question was “Do you still manage to have a good life with it?”

Now, I know they did not mean any harm but it felt like they no longer saw me as human, and just a disability. I explained to them that it is mild, so I’m lucky enough to still be able to do most of the things that I would like to, to which they replied “It’s such a shame, you’re so young”.

This statement set me back, so young? Is there an ideal age to have a disability? Their wording made me feel as though I was damaged in some way.

I don’t mind being asked questions, it’s only natural, but the way they spoke to me felt like I was just a disability and not a person.

 

Tiredness catches up

I haven’t wrote in a while, I’ve just been far too exhausted. I suspect it’s partly to do with my condition, but I think my Iron levels may be down too.

I finally made myself an appointment, to get my bloods done. I am hoping that it’s to do with my iron, because honestly, I’m terrified of having to live every day feeling this way. My energy levels are the lowest they’ve ever been and I constantly feel sick and dizzy.

I feel terrible, I don’t have the energy that I should. I know I’m still doing everything for my little girl, and yet I still can’t shake the feeling that she’s missing out, because of me. I know it’s silly, as she’s well cared for and very happy but I think for a lot of us, this guilt is part of our everyday life.

We have to remember, no parent knows what they’re doing. We’re just trying our hardest, giving our children our all and hoping we don’t mess up along the way.

Mental Health

Let’s talk about mental health. Good or bad, we all have it.

It’s so important to put our mental health needs first, otherwise we end up in a downwards spiral, ending up in a place that we never want to be.

There are many mental illnesses, but in this article I shall be discussing depression.

I never used to discuss my mental health, both my parents have mental health issues and so I felt like a burden. When I finally did speak out about it, my parents told me that I was not depressed and that it was just my hormones. So not only is it important to discuss your own mental health, please make sure that you allow other people to discuss their’s without brushing them off.

Brushing other people’s mental health off leads to bigger problems such as, a higher risk of them attempting suicide. Not discussing your own could also lead to the same risk.

By the age of eighteen, I’d been admitted to a mental health hospital due to severe self harming, and by the age of twenty one, I’d had three or more attempted overdoses. If only I’d have been able to be open about how I feel without getting brushed off or put down.

I believe it is important to let our children know, that their feelings matter, and that we are always there for them. I shall be bringing my daughter up to know that nothing comes before her mental health.

Male depression

In this day and age, we shouldn’t be telling males to man up and should not be encouraging them to hide their feelings. I know so many males scared to share their feelings due to being brought up to hide them. The male successful suicide rate is significantly higher than the female one, and yet many people associate depression as a mainly female matter, which is ridiculous.

Signs that you are depressed may include:

• Isolating yourself
• Decrease in self care
• Sadness or numbness in emotion
• Lack of motivation
• Constant fatigue
• Lack of ambition
• Lack of interest in activities
• Lack of sex drive

Signs that someone else is depressed:

• They distance or isolate themselves
• They “joke” about wanting to die
• Drinking alcohol more than they usual would
• Turning to drugs

If you think that another person is depressed, reach out to them. Don’t pressure them but let them know that you are here for them if they need to talk.

If you are feeling depressed, reach out to a medical professional, if you are not comfortable with this then there are plenty of helplines available on the NHS website.

Remember, your mental health comes first to you, it’s not selfish, it’s important.

The worries that came with it

I’ve always felt insecure when it comes to my disability. I hate how my leg turns in when I’m walking, the stares that come with it.

When I got pregnant I was worried about the judgement that I’d get, the comments like “how are you going to manage with a child and your disability”.

Sure, you do get some of those comments from very ignorant people but the majority of people don’t even bring it up. 90% of the time it’s your own insecurities bringing you down, not other people. More people brought up my age, rather than my disability, which was also annoying. “Don’t you think you’re too young”, “Don’t you think you should have waited” don’t they think they should mind their own business? It doesn’t help that both me and my partner look about sixteen, when in reality, we’re in our twenties,

I was worried about how I’d keep up with my daughter when she’d running around, this does still worry me but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I worried about how I’d carry her, but really only stairs are a problem when it comes to lifting my little one and there’s always somebody around to help with that.

The lack of sleep is the hardest part for me, as someone with cerebral palsy uses up to three times the amount of energy than the average person. When you’ve got the right support though, it is manageable. I have a partner that would do absolutely anything to help me and our little one, including the night feeds so that I can get extra sleep.

In the end, my worries are nothing compared to the joy and love that our daughter brings. It’s difficult but she sure does make everything worth it.

 

Pregnancy with Cerebral Palsy

Pregnancy is hard enough for people without disabilities, but there are no warnings about how hard it is with a disability. Doctor’s don’t warn you about the difficulties pregnancy can bring when you have a disability.

When I asked the doctor how my disability would affect my pregnancy he could not give me an answer. I was told to look online and that provided little information, the lack of support was shocking.

In the end I had to turn to cerebral palsy groups on social media, and I am so thankful for the parents on the groups, it made me feel less alone.

Throughout my pregnancy I was constantly on edge, my balance is bad enough when I’m not pregnant, so when I became pregnant I was so much worse and I was too worried to go out on my own. I was constantly worrying about what it would do to my hips as they were already weak, I ended up having to get a steroid injection into my hip after I had given birth as the pregnancy had weakened it.

Although pregnancy was a struggle, I’m so thankful for the little miracle I was given, I’m thankful each and every day. I’m also thankful that I chose to have a child at twenty-one because I’m not so sure my body would have been able to cope if I were to have a child when I’m older.